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Disclaimer time once again!   Eighty-second verse same as 
the first . .everybody *sing*:

I don't own these characters, (chorus) Paramount does!
I don't own this venue, (chorus) Paramount does!
I am making no money off of this, (chorus) Paramount does 
not either!

This story will eventually involve love and sex and affection 
between two men, aka: slash.  If that is *not* your cup of 
tea, sweet as it is, then don't read it! (simple, ain't it??) 
Feedback is *very* much appreciated, and always 
answered.  Flames will be passed around to friends and 
chuckled over.  :)

Twenty-ninth story in the Stage Direction series.  Sequel to 
'Ssst', 'Growl', 'Chuckle', 'Sob', 'Grin', 'Sigh', 'Smile', 'Yawn', 
'Whisper', 'Groan', 'Hover', 'Waffle', 'Comfort', 'Fidget', 
'Grimace', 'Sizzle', 'Glare', 'Shrug', 'Doze', 'Snort', 'Whack', 
'Stretch', 'Snicker', 'Pace', 'Hug', 'Clink', 'Wonder', and 'Kiss'.

'Doubt' by Amirin <groh@iquest.net>


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Oh, I *wish* I knew what the hell I was doing.  Seriously. 
I've never been more afraid of screwing something up in my 
*life*.  This just feels so . . . enormous, you know?  Like one 
of those life-events you look back on and think 'Yeah, that 
was the moment'.  Well, this is the moment and I honestly 
don't know what I'm doing.

<silent snort>

It just figures, though, doesn't it?  I mean, I haven't been 
down this road much before, and this one is certainly 
different from any of the others, and I think I could use a 
really good guide, right about now.  Lucky for me, the best 
guide I could have is right here in my arms.

<sigh>

Dammit, if I mess this up, I'll phaser myself, I really will.  

<internal groan>

I didn't see this coming.  I swear I didn't.  And what I'm 
feeling, I didn't see that, either.  And I should have, you 
know?  I really should have. I mean, come *on*, even *Kes* 
knew, all right?  Gods, why didn't she say something a little 
less ambiguous?  Why didn't she *tell* me? It wasn't like I'd 
have run screaming from the room, or anything.

<pause>

Okay, let's be honest, here.  I wouldn't have run.  But, I 
probably would've laughed.  

<sad sigh>

I can be such a *jerk*.  What the hell does he see in me? I 
mean, after *her*?  How can I possibly compete for 
heart-space with someone like Kes?

"Whatever you're thinking, I want you to stop it, Tom."

<sigh>  Busted.

"Neelix . . ."

"I must say I don't like that look on your face one bit." 
<caress cheek> <brush fingers over lips>  "Just . . . stop it. 
Please."

<close eyes>  <sigh>  <kiss fingers>  <smile>  "Okay.  I'll try 
and make my brain shut the hell up."

<kiss forehead>  <play with hair> "I bet I won't like the 
answer, but what's it thinking, right now?"

<lean into touch>  <smile at soft kiss on temple>  "It's 
wondering why you're bothering with me." 

<sigh>  <firm, gentle kiss>  "I knew I wasn't going to like the 
answer."  <sigh>

<try to move closer>  <can't get any closer>  <sigh>  "I'm 
sorry."

<ease away>  <frown> "So, what can I do to make it stop 
wondering?"

<shake head> "I don't know, Neelix."

<pause>  <shrug>  "Don't feel too badly about it.  My mind's 
wondering what *you're* doing with *me*."

<stare>  "You've gotta be kidding me." 

<look away>  "No, I'm not.  You could probably have anyone 
on the ship you wanted."

"Neelix . . ."  <pause>  <struggle>  "You . . .  You make me 
feel like there's someone I matter to . . . *finally* . . ."

<hush with a kiss>  <stroke cheekbone>  "You do matter to 
me. More than anyone else."  <soft kiss>  "I wish I had your 
way with words, so I could tell you . . . how much you've 
come to mean to me. How precious your friendship is.  How 
much I treasure the time I get to spend with you.  Oh, Tom, I 
wish I had the words . . ."  <shake head> 

<kiss forehead>  <kiss cheek>  "You've got the words, 
Neelix.  Trust me. You've got them."  <shaky chuckle>  "I 
didn't plan for this.  I never dreamed . . ."

<ease away>  <sigh softly and sadly>  "You didn't think 
you'd end up with someone like me." 

<hold spotted head in gentle hands> <pin golden eyes with 
blue glare>  "I didn't think I *deserved* someone like you, 
Neelix.  And a lot of other people on this ship are gonna be 
thinking the same thing.  You began this journey with us as 
our guide, our cook, our Morale officer.  I came onto this 
ship a pariah . . ."

<interrupt>  "That's changed.  *No* one sees you that way, 
anymore.  *No* one.  You've thrown yourself into jeopardy 
countless times for this crew, *saved* this ship and crew 
over and over again.  Tom, people *care* about you on 
Voyager.  They really do."

<shake head> <quietly>  "Not like *you* do."

<tender smile>  "Well, no.  Not like I do.  And I don't 
particularly care what other people on this ship think, either. 
And neither should you."

<awkward grin>  "Easier said than done, Neelix."

<reassuring grin>  "We're in this together, Tom."  <tap finger 
on end of nose>  "Don't you forget that."

<sigh>  <smile>  "I won't, Neelix.  Promise."


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